Dreamful Sky

Hello people!!

Yep, I'm back again^^ this time, I'll tell you my fellow readers about my last thoughts....and I'm bringing a new piece of writing.... seems like I'm turning my livejournal into my writer's block lol, so be it 'cause I like it this way. 

So...how to put this...I don't know, well it's just I want to express this oppression I'm holding inside, for not being able to be myself and be pushed away by some one else's ideas and desires... I think many of us have been through staff like this, so I believe there's many people out there that will understand what I'm talking about...you know, it's been really hard (no matter how emo that sounds...I don't really care) because it's not the same thing to be rejected by some society in general aspects, than to be rejected or nor accepted by someone close to you......well, my situation it's probably not exactly like that, more like I don't feel confident enough to be myself or to freely say what I think and feel. I feel my dreams and wishes are being suppressed by the cold comments I keep hearing for this people I'm talking about, not because they are specifically telling me I'm wrong, but because I don't feel in freedom form hearing so much criticism about the staff I like. 

Well, that's the general point of my poem this time, I'm not expecting a miracle really or to change something by saying this, I just want to express this, because I think you've noticed by now writing is my personal escape from the world and the situations I'm sometimes stuck on. I also want to ask in the nicest way that nobody asks me anything about this situation, I honestly don't want to discuss this with anyone other than myself and the people I've spoken about, please just leave it like that and if you have anything to say, please limit to review my poem or say something about my writing, but please, don't ask anything else or push this thing farther away. 

That's it, on to the poem, let me hear what you think about the title, I decided on this but I had so much ideas surrounding it that I'm not sure if this is the absolutely right for it...

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Blinded Freedom

I'm so sick of your voice
I can't keep up with this lie
I keep struggling to free my mind
But you, you won't let me escape
You keep forcing yourself onto me
Why can't you see you are killing my heart?

You are just an egoist
You'll never let me express what I feel
What I think, what I want
I can't trust you my dreams, my desires
'Cause you'll crush them without looking back

You just think what you want to think
You see in me, just what you want to see
Why don't you stop and take a look inside
Maybe then you'll see what I'm really like

Your constant criticism
Makes me fade into a crushing surrender
Why don't you notice the pain that it causes?
Every word turns my wishes to ashes

You are crushing my dreamful heart
I can't escape this shadow of rage
Please, let me go
Let me open my wings and fly away
I don't wanna surrender to your blindness

You'll never see my true self
I can't scare this torment away
You have left an indelible scar in my heart
My truth will never reach you

You continue pushing me away
Scaring my dreams
Erasing my efforts
Crushing my freedom
Drifting my hopes

I keep searching for a way to reach you
But your closed mind keeps me apart
I can't find the key
To your approving smile

Why don't you think before you speak?
Your lips always say crushing things
Meaningless words come from your voice
You won't ever accept me
You will never see my true self

Your cold insults
Your frozen expression
Erases the hope
Disappears all the joy

This oppression won't leave my chest
I can't stop this pain from escaping
Into bitter tears
For every killed dream

Every time I see you I feel crushed
With every word I tell you I feel hurt
Please, tell me you love me as much as I love you
I can't forgive myself

Why won't you see me?
I always looked up to you
But now, I can't stop this burning grief
That's consuming my tired self

I want to show you the real me
But I know you will never understand
Do I have to keep pretending?
Do I need to keep betraying myself?
Is this lie the only way to reach you?

You won't open your eyes for me
Your forced chains won't let this agony fade
Your heart will always deny myself
I can't find a escape

I'm too afraid to face your control
I keep screaming inside
But my trembling voice won't reach you

Freedom, let me reach you
Please take this nightmare away
I don't want to lose you
But I won't lose myself for you

My spirit is melting in tears
My soul is oppressed by your blinded torture
Your wounding hand is tearing my dreams away
This invisible chains won't let me rest again

Freedom, let me reach you
Let me open the cage
Blindness, let me unfold you
Let me reach your hand

Back again!! Now I'm properly recovering my inspiration..... waa!!! that makes me so happy!!! n_n
I think I could say vacations are working magic on me, with all this free time, and now that I can be relaxed and stop think about the stressfullness of crappy school, I've been trying to find answers within myself. I've had many thoughts about myself and my life, and so far thinking is going okay and I'm feeling really fine with everything around me... hoping everything keeps getting better in the near future and trying to solve those annoying questions that have kept me really worried and stuff. But it's ok, I know this is just the beginning of everything and I'm really content with how things are going for me and well...... Now I've brought you form the depths of my mind and heart, a new poem I just wrote...... yeah just right a minute before starting this ^^ inspiration stroke down me and thus this is the result.

Also, I've gotta thank my inspiration to a song..... I think this was what started it.....it's called "Reila" by the GazettE (OMG how I love this band XD) A really beautiful song (interrupted this entry to read lyrics ^o^)...............

SUCH AMAZING LYRICS!!! What an amazing song......I feel so much respect for Ruki!!! Though it makes me feel a little sad because it reminds me I've yet so much to learn and improve about my writting......dah......I hope I can write as good as him someday, or even better hehe.....

Well, on to the poem....... I seriously think it could become a song, I don't know.....

I think I'm gonna name this one.....hope it doesn't come too obvious and simple XS

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Precious memory of first love

Angel....

Remember all those letters, poems I wrote?
It doesn't matter anymore
I don't need them by now
I let go of you
And now, we are both fine
What will future have planned for us?

Even if that day we parted ways
Even If we don't cross paths again
I won't forget you
Because this memory of precious love
It's forever in my heart

That day, when I told you those words...
"I've fallen in love with you"
Your response was so honest, yet so kind
And even when you didn't feel the same
You allowed me to open my heart

Then, at that moment
When I held on you tight
Instead of pushing me away, you held me
And embraced me with tenderness

Your warmness, my tears
That magic moment
I won't ever forget
It's forever in my heart

I thank you for everything
All those moments, that feelings...

The words we spoken
The time we spent
The memories we made
All of those are still with me
Because I can't forget what you taught me
What you made me feel

Happy moments
Crushing memories
Painful scars
It's ok now
I'll held them dearly in my heart

Forever

Your face, your touch, your voice
Won't ever vanish from my heart
This precious memory of first love
Will forever remain with me

It's ok now
We can keep walking our separated roads
I've already moved on

I let go of that unturned feeling
Of that unfulfilled dream
That painful love
Because I understood it wasn't meant to be

But it's fine
I know I'm ok
But I want to make sure you know
I'll always treasure this memory
Not with pain, but with tenderness and sweetness

I let go of you and that love
But I can't never let go
This precious memory of first love

Well, well, today I'm gonna tell you people about something really cool that happened to me yesterday. In fact, there is also something bad. Yesterday I was searching for my beloved Animal Crossing which I've found out it's missing, and that is something not good and makes me really sad TOT I WANT MY ANIMAL CROSSING BACK!!!.....Anyways, even when I couldn't find my precious game, at least I could find something else in the middle of my depression that helped me out a little. As I was searching between all the various things in my closet I came across a lot of mess lol, but in all that mess I found a lot of my writings that I didn't even remember, and I thought "hmm I used to write nice things, maybe the writer inside of me is not dead yet" And I felt really happy, so much I almost cried, because lately, even though I have been trying to write again as I used to do, I can't. Honestly, I can't.... I've really tried a lot of times but the ideas don't come out fluently, they just appear like a bunch of simple ideas without a real connection and that makes me angry >o< But, finding my old writings has helped me to lighten up a bit, making me think that I'm just having a little writer's block, and eventually it'll pass and I'll be able to write something nice like the old days, he he I'm getting nostalgic...ahh the good days.....they'll come again soon. I thought I would like to share one of my pieces, I don't think they are the best, and I know I've so much to learn , but it's my work, and I love it for that, I think I feel motherly affection for my writings XD....but, then I remembered they're all in spanish and I decided I'd keep this english so, I will post a poem I wrote more recently. Please don't be harsh with me, it has a deep meaning to me, it's very personal and it's highly charged with my feelings.

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EDIT: Two years later, date february 23th, 2009, I got the title for this. Took me long enough, but now I know it's fine... it's perfect ; D

Alone with the wind

Wind fills the sky
I keep looking upon, I find a single star
"Make a wish" I softy whisper to myself
But my only wish is slowly fading away
Until I can't remember it anymore

Suddenly, I start thinking
"What's going on?"
But the question echoes in emptiness
And gets carried away with the sunset wind

I hear bells ringing
And it's sound goes deep into my heart
"What is it I want?"
"What is it I lack?"
Multiple questions strike my mind

Wind continues passing by
And reliefs my solitude
Yet, I feel trapped inside myself

I want to find freedom
Be carried away with the breeze
And soar up high in the sky
Will then my sorrow vanish at last?

No one is here with me
But I want to find the answer in my loneliness

With the unstoppable wind
I find a moment of peace
Yet, it leaves behind a calling voice

It tells me to keep going
With time, I'll find the answers I want
And even if I can't see the stars in the now night sky
The moon and the clouds will embrace my path

"I'll fly one day, like the birds in this night sky"
I say inside myself

The strong wind embraces my figure
As I lay down and watch the sky

A single drop falls down on my face
"Rain has finally come"
"The sky is crying with me"
My whisper gets lost in the wind passing by

"Maybe rain has the answer"
I close my eyes as tears finally start falling on my face
And my sorrow merges with the sound of the rain

Today we are starting!! YAY!!! Now I've got a new space were I can write about me & my life....I'm so happy ^^ weee!!!! I love writting!!! OH YEAH!!! I don't have an exact idea of what to write here yet so...deal with me!!! >_< I'll find out eventually.....or maybe I just need to think for a while XD well...... right now, I'm content with just this so...... I'll leave this entry just like this, nothing useful, but I'm just trying to see how it goes, when I'm more consious of how this works I'll write something better, so for now, I'll leave y'all with this plain unuseful entry. 

Bye bye folks!!! X)